BattlePet Network

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No one actually has played BattlePet Network since the late eighties. Sorcerers of the Jungle has enough money that they keep making more terrible games with extravagant launch parties (such as faux video-game tournaments with lavish prizes).

Set in the Neo-Victorian Future. BattlePet trainers wear flannel and/or 3-piece suits, stovepipe hats, and AR goggles.

Hero: Jarad “Red” Protagonist, Champion Battle Pet Fighter, rival of Gabriel “Blue” McMasterson


Battlemaestros are the “gym leaders” of the BattlePet BattleNasiums

Geromy is the Cat City BattleMaestro. He’s a black stereotype to end black stereotypes, complete with super fro and gold chains everywhere. His prized BattlePet is AfricPantheris

Costanza is the Jaypeg City BattleMaestro. Is apparenly a fat italian man with a handlebar mustache. He changes his appearance every few years to whatever is popular. His BattlePets fall into line with what is popular at the time, though he has a fair number of Troll types.

Lucky is a BattleMaestro of High Roller City. He is mysterious and ever-elusive.

Charles HammerFist is the Fight Club City maestro. He’s some bulk of muscle that walks like a man, and looks like Chuck Norris combined with 5 Vin Diesels. His main BattlePet is Shaman Atjots. His magic? MuscleWizardry. His specialty? KICKING YOUR ASS.

Dr Joyce Princess is the Card City maestro. She holds a PhD in robotics, and all of her battlepets follow under such a subtype. Additionally, her battlenasium is filled with various planar robot parts that she can “construct” and program with “cards”. Her prized battlepet is Steam Lasersword.

The Games

Battle Pet Future is the latest game on home console set in the distant year 199x. Trainers wear jean jackets with fringes as well as fingerless gloves. After semi-nuclear war has ravaged Neo York, the only thing left for young impressionable teenagers to survive is for them to ENGAGE EACH OTHERS’ BATTLE PETS IN BLOODY CAGE MATCHES TO THE DEATH. To the victor goes the fringe.

The "Plot"

The main antagonists are the nefarious organization Team Canon, bent on stealing trainer beardcaps and other official merchandise. Advertisements encourage kids to buy the merchandise before Team Canon steals it from the stores!

The BattlePets

The Ultimate BattlePet is DuckFocker, which is a major point of controversy for Sorcerers of the Jungle. In a recent case, Markus Duckenburger, creator of SocialNet, sued BattlePet for copyrights infringement claiming Battle Pet Duckfocker was created using a jpg of him.

  • Drilbyte
  • Butangel
  • Shamuhn
  • Burnabull
  • Tremorisson - Sandworm Type
  • Pumphister
  • Rakurat
  • Shockolate
  • Jawrrior
  • Llonestar - Cowboy Type
  • Sentinol
  • Edgarcon
  • Hoopajoob - LOL Rondom Type
  • Trollmeister - Musical Troll Type
  • Lucylasso
  • Dubbleten
  • Maleskiiv - Russian Bear Type
  • Olkor
  • Gunnerat
  • Starfly
  • Spillama
  • Gangbagger - Black Type
  • Hamsandwitch
  • Charles Bronson - Deathwish Type
  • Jawsome - Shark Type
  • Marsoup - Kangaroo Type
  • Pennilofe